masked blessings

it's five past six, I don't bother with the blinds
the daylight would create a pretense of life
yet all that remains is a keen heart
if I could just lay here to focus on the residual darkness
I won't see you in abstractions
but bold as I am, I open my eyes slowly
to make spaces for what you left me with
I form a faint smile as my heart palpitates
I find you everywhere
in every line, curve, and corner
a shadow that lingers
an illusion that slices through silence
solitude was my saving grace from reality
and now you taunt me there, too
it's like your fingers still graze against my skin
your chest pounds in my ears
your kisses tickle the palms of my hands
and your words stain
God, do they stain me
I taste you in the tears I swallow in weakness
burdened by the temperamental echoes
in my empty embrace, in my hold
my parted lips, my exposed neck
before my glistening eyes
in the flow of sprawling tresses
in the spoken tones, in the cadenced tunes
in soft hymns, hums and hues
in paintings, in lathers
in dancing, in battles
in the way I call out to you
demands unmet, promises unkept
regrets puncture holes in my loving
defying logic, night after night
only to wake up in a cloak of crimson
it's only a quarter past six, why draw the curtains
while emotions skid recklessly within
you'd know about that, wouldn't you?
your failure to speak when I wanted it most
what lasting inflictions you pierced me with
I carry it in my back, my fragmented heart
the soles of my feet, my trembling knees
the things you said wash over me like rain
some days like a warm cleanse
and other days like a noxious drowning
confused by our redundancy
your ignorance, my pardoning
your acquisitions, my offerings
by the language of my screaming
and the resonance of your departure
dust collected on the prayer mat
as I traveled disparate roads in search of intercessors
to decipher what left me streaked
your grave nuance of apathy
in your safeguarding, you sinned,
oh transgressor
provoking such resentment
crippling my senses
spurring the wrath of God upon me
I hide in bed, dissociating from illuminations
embracing my world protectively
slowing down the unraveling of myself
now it's half past six, past the shock
an inner descent that leads to revelation
I find you in my sighs, my breathlessness
tarrying in the gists and gaps
the quintessence of inamorato
as I stretch and pull myself up
I experience you in lapses and layers
in the fragile love you left behind
that flickers in the blackness
I let the beauty of day engulf my room
and the grievances fall away one by one
as I'm consumed by the gifts you left me with
the awakening of passions, the outflow of emotions
an atmosphere covered by your coloring
bandaging the wounds
I know that healing will come
in quakes and quivers
with patience and penitence
past your remorse and my sorrow
I know this deep down inside
with the wholeness you brought to me
in the prayers we shared
and in the peace you left me with