unlocked

I intended to stay within the fortress
that took me a long time to mold
Planned all the ways I'd spend my days,
leaving the gates of my estate closed
Curiosity pulled me to wandering down
paths that weren't free from danger
and I promised I'd slow down
so I didn't get caught up in tangles
Beams radiated from your direction
and I learned of your ways
Thought God was being generous
when you smiled for my sake
You offered your strong hands
and I got as close as I could
Lined up our fingers by degrees
Felt like the start of something good
I let go but thread by thread
for I still meandered back to home
and then I'd go seeking your shine
it felt much better than being alone
The foundation seemed sturdy enough
I ingenuously gave shape to wishes
Wanted to fight through misfortune
and free myself to be your missus
I gathered other visions of aspirations
like being mother to your children
and it took me some time to realize
what I was doing to myself again
The weather is dark and dreary lately
I rush to get back behind walls
and I struggle with these feelings
as regrets echo through the halls
I am indignant I got ahead of myself
Had unlocked all those gates
Your presence lingers every corner
How could I have entrusted the fates?
I feel cold laying here without security
My hopes take up too much space
I keep thinking I could give it another try
Every time I call to mind your face
I still can't believe where I've been
And now I don't know where to go
It's strange battling truth and dares
Swinging to and fro, between yes and no

ally

I look for you in everyone I meet
and when I don't find you, I feel
an aura of grief.
There isn't a single sense
I can make of my emotions.
They go on mingling,
and I anticipate a protest.
It's discomforting —
I don't know what they are advocating for!
Surely they have rights
that I haven't been fulfilling
so they fight me,
and I'm powerless to begin with.
Now where do I go?
Who will be my ally
when my own heart is revolting against me?
What casualties will result
from this war?
I carry great sacrifices,
sadly realizing the punishment for my offenses
was when I lost you.

my friend

I avoid the roads where Resentment and Anger reside,
but Anxiety follows me like a stubborn shadow. And Fear
likes to talk over me so I just dissociate from the moment.
I lean over to Sadness, feel its comforting arms wrap around
me, keeping me secure from all the Others. It feels so warm
being there that I don't even want to leave. I see Happiness
in the distance, calling to me, trying to sell me sweetness,
but I am paralyzed. How can I leave this Friend that has
been the only one to have never betrayed my trust? Were
I to let go, what would I really be letting go of? And what
could I possibly have to gain?

things we don't get to say

When it comes to strained relationships, the problem is that we think we have time or that someone else should go first. There are plenty of opportunities we miss to say what needs to be said — I'm sorry or Thank you.

But there's no reason to beat ourselves up over moments that have passed us. Vow to make better choices from this point forward. Forgiveness provides us with a fresh start and grants us a sense of lightness.

Let go of emotional burdens. Say what needs to be said to repair connections with people that matter, and do it with compassion, with a forgiving heart.

faith and fears

On any good day, your faith is stronger than your fears. It's imperative to understand that when the days aren't so good, fear has grown into a monster that intimidates its neighbors. Learn to defend yourself. Fight back. No matter how hard the struggle gets, do not give up — keep holding onto faith.

heart of the soul

My soul seems to have a heart of its own, has found the one, the one whom it loves. You are my happy, albeit an illusion of security. Oh it would be rather precarious to lament. I realize to tread carefully, not to run down that pleasantly adorned path, for deep down, I may not be able to bear a loss. Overwhelmed with tenderness and affection, I want to know where to take it, where to keep it. I cherish it sincerely. It overflows from within, shamelessly tainting all my senses — my sight, my hearing, my inhaling and exhaling, my consumption, my stroking, my waking and my sleeping. Here breathes the kind of love even Ghalib would praise! Meet me where lovers end up meeting. Take me where dreamers end up going. When I see you, I find new seeds scattered, growing majestic desires of how this love story should go. And I wonder, I just wonder. You can certainly find joy with someone else, but how displeasing would that be to my heart due to the simple heaviness of the crime. At the end of the day, I'd still plead under my breath for you to pick me. Be mine, I then pray to my ever-generous Lord. Multiply the bliss between us, fulfilling a hopeless romantic's reverie. It's true that we're deeply terrified of all that could go wrong, but I, no I am filled with the light of the sun — my soul has found the one it loves.

fighter

I succumb to a raging hunger, clawing my way through rocky territories, inflamed by your skin. You are torn between your own fire and a rising tempest, scrupling what to risk and who to save. I avoid the questions in your eyes, the hesitancy in your coming, but I really can't leave without getting what I came for. You say that I wear a mask, layered with bloody regrets. I sigh defensively as my autumn skin lays exposed for you to seize. Why don't you find refuge here, I demand defiantly. In a solemnly hushed tone, you state, "Your heart is buried somewhere amidst all the loss, and I cannot find any road to travel." But your whispers, my love, are louder than your desolation. Perhaps in your passage from my tongue to navel, you'll find your way. I promise the wild beating of the drums of my core will swallow all the storms. There's a pregnant pause, as your dark gaze overpowers me. "I'm not here to plunder the ruins, for it'll destroy us both." I turn away, frightened by the upheaval. A revolution was in order, but I didn't know where to go anymore. The seconds passed in anxiousness, consumed by the darkness. It wasn't until the sun rose in the distance that I realized you had never left me.
There was nowhere else to go.
Your patience was our stronghold.

namely you

the peculiarity of our first meeting, a period before you made yourself comfortable in my narrative, i envy myself for what i didn't know then, for possessing the courage of flouncing to a stranger, a singular face, just another soul, another profile in the midst of a crowd, while guilelessly carrying a rabid curiosity, piqued by speculations of what made you who you were, but now there's the merciless question of whether you intend to stay, precipitating obscure hesitations, torn between gravitating towards you and running away, fumbling for direction, stumbling for an anchor, feeling simply mad at our interplay, which is so precious to me but (i think) ordinary to you, and i continue to ponder, from where did this longing come, confused in regards to which way is home, when your eyes vow assurance of trust, hope, and care, descending to depths i don't comprehend, leaving me quieter, at a loss for finer words that fit in between us, and i don't even have to ask about these nuances, (i know) you know, you absolutely know, grounding me in simplistic lessons i've otherwise missed, tip-toeing to flares within the darkness, discovering freedom within confinements, embracing peace within restlessness, two shadows mingling, you leave a mark so violent, i worry, i naturally worry because to be honest, i have yet to say your name, now that (i believe) you hold enough meaning, you turn to me no matter what i call out, and you even answer to my speechlessness.

lies

starts out subtle and slow, similar to a leak in the distance, non-existent until one's growing awareness of its existence. isn't it rather futile to be cross over ignorance that is harmless, however exasperating it may be? your inquiries leave me with few choices but little room for doubts of their validities. I am cognizant of this banter, dear, though certainly you'll catch on soon enough.  shame colors my skin, and I pray you confuse the glow with another feeling, another meaning. you get too close, causing an agglomeration of my thoughts and an escalation of my deceptiveness, thus mortified by the concerns, terrified at inconsistencies, drained and distressed. well, how am I feeling, you wonder aloud, and I smirk, weighing the benefits of varied reactions, secretly satisfied by the exploits that swing back and forth between what we call a conversation. I presume that you assume there are depths to my replies. it pleases me that you smugly offer me a taste of my own medicine. I consent, for what else could I do, I love you so, and I swear that I am fine—bless you for asking though! you hold on anyway, for good reason because, over time, even the smallest of leaks can cause the most damage, but you're not here to fix me. you hold me over this tightrope, the best you can, offering your trust, thoughtlessly forgiving my blunders, patiently tolerating my rifts. someday, the walls will fall, and my lies won't keep me grounded like they do now. you will see through me like I see through you, and you will learn that your truths are just as ambiguous as mine. 

I learn about me from you.

Women, when they read my work: Awww, so cute/intense/deep/raw; I can totally relate!

Most men, when they read my work: Who was he?; What happened? 

It amuses me. Anyway, I love the feedback I receive. Keep it coming. Don't forget to follow me! :-)